I am so tired and so exhausted and so sick of being the in-between girl. I am so fed up.  No, not fed up.  But drained.  I am drained of such nostalgia in my head and my heart.  My body and weak of nostalgia, but I feel relief.  I was told, and PROMISED, that I wouldn’t be used again for two of my supposed friends to hang out or “talk” or date or whatever.  He PROMISED me.  I got a taste of being used by my best friend last year, and now I’m beginning to sense the aroma of it once more THIS year.  I was SO excited to finally fix everything with my best friend, Carlos, to the point that I had never ever felt so happy in my life.  When I got back home o see him, it was a smack across my face.  It wasn’t about me and him at all.  It wasn’t a promise.  It wasn’t a friendship.  It was this sickening lie to get to my girl friend.  Of course it was!  He started talking to me like a “best friend” shortly after he talked with my girl friend.  They went to see a movie without me, didn’t even invite me, but they call when they have absolutely nothing else to do, which just spits in my direction.  Since when is it ever okay to do that to me, and ask what’s wrong later?  It’s never about friendship.  It’s about what more can they scheme with Jess to see each other more.  It’s what more can they drain out of Jess.  I’s not this friendship that’s pure gold, but some joke that points and laughs at me.  It was silly of me to think that being friends with my once best friend again could do me any good.  I should say goodbye.  No.  Not goodbye, but hello, because you’re not the best friend I knew and cared about.  You’re just a stranger to me.  I may be nostalgic, but I’m content with just passing by and moving on. I have to rip out the page and start from scratch.  I am perfectly fine with that because I have more ink to work with.

I like being alone, but I hate the feeling of being lonely. When you’re alone, you have time for yourself. Your thoughts finally catch up to you. You set your mind on things and everything is just clearer. Nothing’s bothering you and everything just feels right for once. When you feel lonely, you feel as if no one’s there for you. It feels like no one understands you or is willing to listen. It feels like you’re screaming in a crowded room, yet not one person hears you.

(Source: dinhtheresa)